Clear Skies After the Rain
by kayoko123
Summary: Sometimes, he likes to imagine that the pills are made from the essence of rainbows that magically gives him energy to battle against his own mind.
1. Chapter 1: Clear Skies After the Rain

The room is quiet when he wakes up from a dreamless sleep. A hand emerges from the covers to grope around the side table. Blaine squints at the brightness of his phone but checks the time, 6:30AM.

If he continues to sleep, then his day doesn't necessarily start, right?

Readjusting his sheets, he curls up against a pillow. Pressing his nose against the pillow, he takes a deep breath. There's a clenching feeling in his chest and the tension has already returned to his shoulders.

It's going to be one of those days. He could just feel it.

His brain drifts off and he could just almost imagine waking up curled up with someone instead of his pillow. He idly wonders if Kurt is a cuddler.

The beeping from his alarm breaks up his daydream. He needs to get up now if he is ever going to have any hope of making it to his class on time. Sadly, Dalton is strict on tardiness. Wes is even stricter.

Bracing himself for the cold shock, he exits the warm cocoon and pads towards his tiny bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror, at the messy bedhead and rumpled clothing staring back at him. Continuing his morning ritual, he pops the pill and swallows it dry before reaching for his toothbrush.

Sometimes, he likes to imagine that the pills are made from the essence of rainbows that magically gives him energy to battle against his own mind. Maybe they had unicorns that prance around a large bucket to juice the rainbows or special gnomes that could organically grow rainbows.

He closes his eyes and waits for the transformation to take place.

ooOOoo

Blaine tries to focus on the geography teacher talking about, well, he doesn't really know. He can feel his brain becoming muddled. Must have been a defective batch of rainbow juice.

A hand grasps his arm, "…Blaine?"

"Sorry, Kurt, what did you say? I was zoning out," said Blaine.

"Mr. C wants us to talk about the assignment. I have an idea for it that will probably blow his mind away," replies Kurt as he launches into an animated explanation complete with his doodles.

Admiring Kurt's energy and enthusiasm for a geography project, Blaine smiles to himself.

When Kurt is done elaborating on his idea, he looks back towards the group for feedback.

"I think it's a great idea, especially if we build a model. I'm sure if we ask nicely, the kitchen ladies would give us a few boxes," Blaine answers.

Jeff blurts out, "We could always serenade them if they resist us at first!"

The boys burst out into chuckles. Blaine watches as Kurt's eyes light up with laughter. Suddenly, the weight on his chest isn't as heavy and maybe the pills weren't defective after all.

ooOOoo

Morning classes just finished and they were heading towards the dining hall when Kurt casually asks, "Are you okay?"

Blaine puts on his most charming smile, "I'm fine. Just a bit tired. I was up late studying for that quiz next week."

It's an excuse that works on everyone.

Everyone sees him as the happy guy who likes to dance on furniture when he sings. No one needs to know that there are days when everything is just a bit too much for his mind to handle. No one wants to know about the times when he's all broken on his bathroom floor.

Kurt nods and eyes him with a slight disbelief before the smell of food greets their senses. The other Warblers wave them over to their table and Blaine hopes that it's the end of that conversation.

ooOOoo

Everything just _hurts_.

There's this massive weight on his chest that crushing him. His head's pounding from the crying. There's snot on his sleeves and his face is probably all red. The pills have spilled all over the countertop. He can't remember if he's had his dose of rainbow juice today.

He knows he's missing Warbler practice right now, but he just can't get up. The floor's cold, but he just can't seem to muster the energy to do something about it. Wes is going to kill him. Revive him with his magical gavel and then kill him again. Perhaps they've found a replacement for him already. Kurt would make a good replacement. He has such a beautiful voice.

Blaine doesn't realize he had his phone with him until it pings alerting him to a new message from Kurt.

_Where are you? You're missing practice! :( _

Tears well up in his eyes. "I'm so broken. Will you come fix me?" is what he wants to write back. His brain tells him to lie and say he fell asleep. In the end, he doesn't write back and just lets the void consume him whole.

ooOOoo

Blaine doesn't know how he ended up in bed, but at least the pinging's stopped. He checks his phone and sees the multiple messages from Kurt. He smiles at the last few messages informing him about the flammability of hair products.

A text from Wes,_ Code Blue?_

He quickly types out a reply, _Yes. I'm sorry._

Within a few seconds, his phone pings again. _Level?_ asks Wes.

_Medium, but getting better._

If he ever Code Blue's to a high level, he has a number on his phone he has to call. It was a condition they set when they allowed Blaine back into the Warblers after he skipped all those sessions. Telling Wes about the pills and the doctor visits was so a challenge and he had to muster every ounce of courage in his body. It's not something he fancies repeating any time soon.

ooOOoo

His phone suddenly starts buzzing and belting out "Teenage Dream".

"I can hear your phone ringing inside, Blaine Anderson. I know you're in there! You never go anywhere without that thing! Open up!" exclaims Kurt as he bangs on the door.

Swinging the door open, Blaine finds Kurt looking like he ran all the way from practice back to the dorms. "Hi Kurt," he says with a weak smile.

"Hi?" Kurt's eyes widen in disbelief, "I had almost convinced myself that you'd be kidnaped by the competition and tortured for information!"

Blaine takes in the beauty of Kurt's concern, "Sorry, I'm not feeling well today." He sees the wheels turning inside of Kurt trying to catalogue any signs of sickness, but seeing none.

"I have your homework and assignments. Can I come inside?" Kurt inquires.

Blaine moves aside and agrees, "Yes, of course."

The door clicks behind them as Kurt walk towards his desk, but suddenly stops. "Blaine."

His gaze follows Kurt's towards the bathroom "Oh shit,"_ the pills_. He still hadn't cleaned up the mess in the bathroom. This isn't how Kurt's supposed to find out about his issues. The panic sets in and suddenly Blaine's gasping for air.

"Blaine! Do you need a bag or something?" Kurt's over by his side rubbing his hand down his back while he continues to babble, "I swear, it's okay if you're a drug addict! We have rehabs in Ohio and as long as you're not dealing to other students…"

Blaine unexpectedly lets out a laugh that makes Kurt jump. "I guess I am a drug addict in a way. Would you ever visit me if they put me in jail?" pants Blaine as he catches his breath.

Kurt has a deer-in-headlights look on his face, but quickly whispers, "Of course."

"Come here," Blaine has his arms wide open and envelops Kurt into a hug. He fills his nose with Kurt's scent. It might possibly be the last time he gets to be this close to Kurt. "I love you so much, but I understand if you change your mind about us after all of this. It's my burden, not yours."

Pulling away from their embrace, Blaine places his hand on Kurt's cheek as he continues, "Those pills? They're for my depression. Sometimes it's so overpowering that I can't even move. My brain doesn't work like other people's brains. The pills help me rewire my brain."

Kurt clasps their hands together, "I'm not going to break up with you over this, Blaine Warbler. Love is about embracing the other person no matter what. You are still the person I love, only now I get to discover this other side of you. We have to fight enough against the world out there. You don't have to fight against me too."

"Thank you" whispers Blaine against Kurt's lips before pressing them together.


	2. Chapter 2: Sunny with a Chance of Shower

Sunny with a Chance of Showers  
>by kayoko<p>

Kurt decided that there was a pamphlet for everything as he stared at the great wall of pamphlets before him. In his opinion, the only reason to print a pamphlet on neon green paper was to sear his eyeballs. He grabbed one that depicted a woman with her hands on her head titled, "Depression."

xxxxxx

There was something off about Blaine. He still acted like he always did, dancing on top of furniture at practice yesterday, only with slightly less energy. Right now, though, Blaine laid on the bed reading his history textbook while Kurt was at the desk conjugating French verbs.

Kurt stopped twirling the pen in his hand and asked, "How are you doing over there?"

Blaine turned around to face Kurt and replied "Good."

Kurt nodded slowly and finally mustered the courage to ask, "Are you feeling okay?"

"What do you mean? Did I suddenly grow another pair of ears on my head without my consent?"

"As adorable as you would be with a pair of puppy ears on your head, I'm trying to be serious here. It might just be my overactive imagination, but something seems off," said Kurt as he assessed Blaine head to toe.

Blaine's gaze fell to the floor with a small smile. "I'm fine. I took my medication this morning. You'd be the first to know if something's wrong, okay?"

Kurt agreed and dropped the topic for now.

xxxxxx

David had just announced that he was hosting the Retro Friday watching party in his room. They were going to pick the movie out of David's makeshift hat. "Drum roll, please! And the winner is," he pulled a piece of paper out, "_The Sound of Music_!"

Kurt let out a gasp and quickly turned towards Blaine. They were going to watch one of his favourite musicals and he could look forward to harmonic renditions with the Warblers. It would be absolutely brilliant!

Blaine placed his hand on top of Kurt's and used his thumb to stroke the back of Kurt's hand. Leaning into Kurt's ear, Blaine whispered, "One of your favourites."

xxxxxx

Kurt was riffling through his closet for something appropriate to wear for Retro Friday while Blaine lounged on Kurt's bed watching with amusement. Kurt pulled out an outfit to see how it would look together. "Aren't you going to change out of your uniform?" he inquired.

"I'm not going," replied Blaine.

"What?" Kurt turned to stare at Blaine in confusion.

Blaine was tracing his fingers along the embroidered bird on the comforter. "I'm tired. I don't think I've been sleeping very well lately and maybe I just need to go to bed earlier tonight," he said.

Kurt suddenly remembered the pamphlet, _Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable._

Blaine sensed Kurt's hesitation, "You should still go, even without me."

"It wouldn't be the same without you," said Kurt as he placed the sparkly outfit back in its place and strode over to the bed towards Blaine. "We could always do something less strenuous than a sing-along musical."

Blaine raised an eyebrow, "Like what?"

Kurt looped his arms behind Blaine's head and pressed their lips together.

xxxxxx

Despite what he was feeling, Blaine still went through the motion of going to class, writing tests, practicing with the Warblers and hanging out with Kurt. If you asked him though, he wouldn't be able to tell you what he had for dinner last night. He still does everything with a charming smile on his face because people would be confused if he didn't.

His brain defied logic sometimes. He does well in school, has a group of close friends and has a wonderful boyfriend. He should be the happiest teenager around town, but he's miserable. So miserable and sad that it chokes him until he can barely breathe.

He drives around town in the early morning darkness. The tears blurred his vision and Blaine took a deep breath to hold them in. He had been fighting with the dark cloud looming over his head for the past while, but he had no energy to hold it back anymore. He simply allowed those heavy feelings to consume him.

Blaine squinted to make sure he was still on the road. Only the moonlight illuminates the road ahead as he makes his way up to the top of the hill. There are no streetlights and he chose not to turn on the headlights.

All it would take is one car in the opposite direction or a tree that got in the way.

Blaine shuddered.

He could hope, right?

xxxxxx

Blaine sat on a wooden railing, admiring the stars that dotted the night sky and the artificial stars that dotted the skyline below. The silence around him was deafening. He felt the wind blowing against his back. It's a frigid breeze and feels like Mother Nature is trying to guide him.

A gentle push and he would tumble a couple hundred feet into jagged rocks.

He closed his eyes and waited for the cold to numb everything.

xxxxxx

Blaine's been sitting for a while, scrolling through the pictures of Kurt and him together. He places the phone against his ear, and he listens to the phone ring.

A sleepy voice answers, "…hello?"

Blaine's breath hitches when he hears Kurt's voice. He can't feel his fingers and toes, but he feels relieved that the other boy picked up the phone. iSomeone still cares/i, he tells himself. "Hi Kurt," he said quietly.

"Blaine?" Kurt yawned, "It's the middle of the night…"

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Kurt," he replied and the tears well up in his eyes.

Kurt made an affirmative noise as he tries to carry on the conversation while teetering on the edge of sleep.

"No matter what happens, you know that I love you, right?" Blaine asks. His voice cracks a little towards the end and the tears stream down his face now.

"I love you too. What is that noise anyways? Aren't you in your room?"

Blaine sniffled, "I'm outside. It's just the wind."

Suddenly sounding more alert, Kurt asks, "Blaine, where are you?"

"Outside."

"Please, Blaine." A plead.

"I'm sorry, Kurt."

"I love you. Don't ever forget that, even for a minute. Ever," stated Kurt. "Are you somewhere safe?"

Blaine nodded, "Yes." _For now_, was left unspoken.

He still hadn't found the courage to jump.

xxxxxx

"Blaine?" called Kurt as he waved the flashlight around searching for the bridge. He soon spotted Blaine in his salmon pants and aqua shirt.

Blaine turned around from where he was balanced on the railing and says in a whisper, "Hello." He took in Kurt's odd combination of uniform pants and t-shirt underneath the unzipped coat.

Kurt stopped a few steps from Blaine and hesitantly asked, "Is it okay if I come closer?"

The corners of Blaine's mouth moved upward just a little as he nodded. "Of course."

"I want to touch you. I.." Kurt paused to sniffle, "I want to hug you. Can I do that?"

Blaine nodded again and takes one last glance at the open space before him. He mustered the energy to throw his feet back over the railing and hopped down back on to solid ground. His feet wobble a bit when he lands.

Kurt slowly wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist and buried his face against Blaine's shoulders. "I was so worried. So worried that I wouldn't make it in time. That…" A sniffle. "That I would be too late. I wouldn't have been able to do damn thing because I was on the phone and still miles away." Kurt sobs into Blaine's shirt.

Blaine placed one hand on Kurt's waist and the other pets the other boy's hair. "I'm sorry."

Kurt pulled back and swallowed, "Don't be sorry." He pressed their foreheads together and continued, "Thank you, Blaine. Thank you for being alive. Thank you."


End file.
